Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
