So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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