Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
