where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
bring money and cleavage
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
