youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
