girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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