So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
