she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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