Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
