Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
