There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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