I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
