Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
