I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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