i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
