The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
