I seem to have left my pride at pride
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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