i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
