I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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