and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
