I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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