It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
