So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
