You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
