Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
