i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
