these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
