i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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