just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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