Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
