u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
