??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
