piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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