How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
