I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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