he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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