no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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