Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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