My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
