I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
