Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The adults are the big ones right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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