Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
