Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
