Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
