If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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