He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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