so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
