Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
