peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
