the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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