last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
